I’m going on my 41st year with the husband, and thinking back to when we first met, and started hanging out together and dating… It was never about the money. We packed lunches and went on picnics, took road trips and went hiking and only occasionally went out to eat. The first time we met, we were in a bar, and struck up a conversation. We’d hang out with mutual friends and chill playing frisbee or catch at the local park. (We both still have the gloves we got as kids in high school!)
In the long run, it’s not about how much money you can spend trying to impress each other, or having a good time be defind by an experience created by or bought from other people… It’s about how much time you want to spend together, it’s about having conversations, and when those moments you have suddenly not go the way you planned, you roll with it and find a way together, to make it work and have fun regardless.
Best time we had was on a trip into Boston to go to the museum… Got stuck in traffic behind a road accident and sat for an hour, joking with each other and laughing at everyone else also stuck in traffic having freakouts over it. Him mangling the lyrics to songs on the radio and throwing out terrible bad dad jokes and puns. That was the moment I realized this guy sitting next to me was a keeper.
If you like each other and are easy in that company, it’s not going to matter if you’re in a fancy restaurant or not… and at that point why waste the money?
What I’ve found that makes a relationship into a lifelong adventure aren’t the things that can be bought, they’re the moments that are unexpected and personally yours.
That’s all very lovely but I think you’re missing the point of what I’m trying to say.
I’m not saying anyone is dropping loads of money to impress anyone, I’m saying going out in most any context costs loads of money without even being “impressive”.
Obviously a hike and a picnic is a great date! But it’s reckless and irresponsible as a first date. You could end up murdered. For a first date you’re likely meeting in a public place. Heck, even in your own example your first date was in a bar, which now a days is a dozens of dollars experience for just a few drinks, much more if you’re buying for two or it’s a nice bar, or if there’s any food involved.
I’m saying even for frugal people (hell, my husband and I first got to talking in a thrift store through a mutual friend!) dating is expensive, and it’s not about preferences, it’s just that eating out at all or even just drinks or coffee not at home is very pricey.
…Heck, even in your own example your first date was in a bar, which now a days is a dozens of dollars experience for just a few drinks…
Pro tip for anyone still reading this far down into the thread: If you’ve a hotel - like a Sheraton, Hilton or any higher-end lodging… Check out their lounge. The cheapest drinks in the city I live in are at the hotels - they generally will price cocktails 35 to 50% lower than the bars and clubs in the area, simply to catch a little bit of the cocktails action… (also the hotels all have beautiful lounges)
Last time I went to New Orleans I stayed in a hotel on the edge of the French Quarter and drank for one fifth of the price that the drinks outside cost. Got good and oiled THEN headed out to hear live music.
I went gambling ONCE, with my grandparents who loved to go to Foxwoods. Played the slots, lost 20 bucks in a few minutes and got ZERO frisson from it.
Am like “People get a charge from this…?” as I was sitting there watching the others in the aisle poke the spin button on the machines they were playing, like they were robots…
I had more fun the rest of the afternoon playing video games in the arcade. It took me a LOT longer to go through 20 bucks there.
Yes… and no.
I’m going on my 41st year with the husband, and thinking back to when we first met, and started hanging out together and dating… It was never about the money. We packed lunches and went on picnics, took road trips and went hiking and only occasionally went out to eat. The first time we met, we were in a bar, and struck up a conversation. We’d hang out with mutual friends and chill playing frisbee or catch at the local park. (We both still have the gloves we got as kids in high school!)
In the long run, it’s not about how much money you can spend trying to impress each other, or having a good time be defind by an experience created by or bought from other people… It’s about how much time you want to spend together, it’s about having conversations, and when those moments you have suddenly not go the way you planned, you roll with it and find a way together, to make it work and have fun regardless.
Best time we had was on a trip into Boston to go to the museum… Got stuck in traffic behind a road accident and sat for an hour, joking with each other and laughing at everyone else also stuck in traffic having freakouts over it. Him mangling the lyrics to songs on the radio and throwing out terrible bad dad jokes and puns. That was the moment I realized this guy sitting next to me was a keeper.
If you like each other and are easy in that company, it’s not going to matter if you’re in a fancy restaurant or not… and at that point why waste the money?
What I’ve found that makes a relationship into a lifelong adventure aren’t the things that can be bought, they’re the moments that are unexpected and personally yours.
That’s all very lovely but I think you’re missing the point of what I’m trying to say.
I’m not saying anyone is dropping loads of money to impress anyone, I’m saying going out in most any context costs loads of money without even being “impressive”.
Obviously a hike and a picnic is a great date! But it’s reckless and irresponsible as a first date. You could end up murdered. For a first date you’re likely meeting in a public place. Heck, even in your own example your first date was in a bar, which now a days is a dozens of dollars experience for just a few drinks, much more if you’re buying for two or it’s a nice bar, or if there’s any food involved.
I’m saying even for frugal people (hell, my husband and I first got to talking in a thrift store through a mutual friend!) dating is expensive, and it’s not about preferences, it’s just that eating out at all or even just drinks or coffee not at home is very pricey.
Pro tip for anyone still reading this far down into the thread: If you’ve a hotel - like a Sheraton, Hilton or any higher-end lodging… Check out their lounge. The cheapest drinks in the city I live in are at the hotels - they generally will price cocktails 35 to 50% lower than the bars and clubs in the area, simply to catch a little bit of the cocktails action… (also the hotels all have beautiful lounges)
Last time I went to New Orleans I stayed in a hotel on the edge of the French Quarter and drank for one fifth of the price that the drinks outside cost. Got good and oiled THEN headed out to hear live music.
In my town the cheapest drinks are at the casino. They want you drunk, and they want your money in the slots
LOL! Yup.
I went gambling ONCE, with my grandparents who loved to go to Foxwoods. Played the slots, lost 20 bucks in a few minutes and got ZERO frisson from it.
Am like “People get a charge from this…?” as I was sitting there watching the others in the aisle poke the spin button on the machines they were playing, like they were robots…
I had more fun the rest of the afternoon playing video games in the arcade. It took me a LOT longer to go through 20 bucks there.